March 29 2018
Hey guys sorry it’s been a while since I’ve posted. To be completely honest I haven’t had anything to say until now. And now I have a lot to say. I wrote some extra things down to type out maybe tomorrow. But I’m just gonna talk now because I feel the need to. So if you don’t wanna read this you don’t have to finish it. I just feel so destroyed and I need to type some stuff out and put my feelings out there. Just to warn you before hand I will let you know that this is most likely going to end up as one of those posts where I really want you to respond because I need to know someone is there. Anyway here we go...
So many of you have probably heard the saying “home is where the heart is”, but I have a question for that. Where is your home when your heart was taken away from you? My home was with my boyfriend in a way because he had my heart and he had all of it, but now he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and my heart is shattered and I don’t even know where all the pieces are. I tried so hard to hold everything together because I was broken. And I wanted more than anything for him to just hold me and fix everything. I honestly thought things were gonna be ok because I had someone who actually love me but then I got thrown away and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t believe that I’ll ever stop loving him. He was the one perfect thing that I had and that I thought would never go away and now he’s gone. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I love him and I will probably continue for a really long time possibly forever. He was supposed to be my forever and now he’s not and I don’t know what forever even is anymore. I feel more broken than I’ve ever felt and I can’t take it. It’s like wandering the streets in complete darkness. I don’t know what to do or where to go. I just want him back. And I want it to stop hurting. But I know that’s probably not going to happen and honestly I still believe that he’s a great person and that he deserves only the best from life. These thoughts tear me apart even more. I want his happiness over mine and I would do anything for him to stay happy even if it does mean losing him. I can’t stop crying but I still want him to be happy even though I’m not. And if he ever reads I hope he knows that he is truly amazing and that i hope he has a great life but I also hope that he never forgets me. I don’t want to go on knowing that I didn’t matter enough to be remembered. I’m done talking now. Please comment if you get the chance. Love you guys.