Hope

Do you know what it’s like to fall apart? Do you know what it feels like to lay down and realize that everything bad in your life has been all your fault? I honestly hope that none of you ever feel like that. I hope none of you ever get to the point where you’re at your breaking point and suddenly it occurs to you that in one second all the pain could go away. Tonight I was thinking and I was actually really happy. I was so proud of myself and I was overjoyed that everything was okay and then I talked to someone. I won’t go into detail because I don't want to bore you. What matters is that I realized that I am the cause of all the bad things in my life. If I wasn’t such a failure then people wouldn’t get upset with me. I don’t understand why I’m the way I am. I don’t want to be like this. No one would ever want to be like me. No one would ever want to be around me. I’m a failure. Everything I do is wrong. I’m incapable of doing anything right. I’m broken. But is it possible to  break I if you were never whole to begin with. Can shattered glass shatter more than once? Can a splinter splinter more than it already is? Can a broken mirror break anymore? Is it possible for me to break? Can you break what’s already broken? These are legitimate questions. I need an answer. Am I sane? Was I ever sane? Do any of you know how it feels to be lying alone on your bed and hear someone calling your name in fear. You can’t respond to them because you can’t hurt them anymore. You tore them up and now you have to release them so you can’t hurt them anymore. But they don’t stop calling. Every time they say your name you want to scream. You want them to save you from your brokenness, but they can’t because you must do I think on your own. You don’t want to drag them down with you. You isolate yourself from them. You try to ignore their calls but you can hear their fear. You answer and immediately you regret it. The name they say is no longer yours. Because you’re no longer you. You don’t know who you are anymore. I don’t know who I am anymore. I know I’m alive. I know that I’ll keep it that way. But I lost myself. I’m not hidden in plain sight. I’m hidden. I made this to be a hope for the hopeless. A light in darkened world. But now I’m a lonely hope. I’m in Pandora’s box. If you release me then all is over. Hope is gone. Here’s how I’ll leave this. Comment if you have an answer. What happens if I release myself.